I am what disabled looks like.

Society has very specific ideas of about what “Disabled” and “Healthy” look like and that they are separate categories that are identifiable by looking at a person. Do I look disabled to you?

How about now?

These photos were taken moments apart. I am the same person, with the same disabilities and needs in both images. The only thing that changed is that I handed my cane to my friend between shots.

When I am using my cane the way people act and react around me changes as if by magic. Except my cane isn’t magic. What it does is make my disability visible by providing a visual cue that reads "disabled" to people who don't know me. It provides me with legitimacy as a "Disabled person" in the eyes of society.

This was very noticeable the first time I travelled with my cane by plane. I was recognised by the staff and fellow travellers as a "Disabled person". The boarding agent moved my seat moved closer to the front, meaning I didn't have to walk as far, a chair was given up for me at the gate, and a fellow passenger fetched my bag from the overhead locker. I didn’t request any of these things, although they did make my trip much more manageable. The difference in my journey was so noticeable I felt like I had discovered a magic talisman for making plane travel easier.

When I am not using my cane I don't fit into societies concept of what “Disabled” is meant to look like. The majority of people assume I fit into the “healthy” box. When I do ask for access to disability-related needs, without my cane granting me that legitimacy, my needs are often questioned, ignored, or cause people confusion.

The previous time I travelled it was a very different and unpleasant experience. I did not receive the accommodations I needed, even though I had booked requesting them. My request for accommodations that trip resulted in the well-coiffed gate agent insisting on asking me increasingly invasive questions in front of a crowd of people waiting to board. Repeatedly she asking me to justify my requirement not board via the stairs, and eventually, her refusal to accept my explanation had me crying in frustration. So I gave up and took the stairs. After the flight, I almost passed out on the tarmac.

The few feet of shiny metal I carried while flying made a stark difference in my experiences, like a magic wand my cane opened doors, modified how the staff treated me and conferred me accommodations without a barrage of questions or even a sideways glance. Despite nothing else about my appearance changing, my cane made the trip by a flying metal tube a distinctly different and more pleasant event.

Ginsberg defines Passing as the ability of a person to be regarded as a member of an identity group or category distinct from their own. For example, gay people who "pass" as straight. It is often not an intentional act on behalf of the person "passing" and is caused by assumptions about members of minorities by members of the majority.

Often I am told that it is understandable that people can't know I am disabled. Therefore why would people think to treat me as such, or offer accommodations to me? This idea is predicated on the view that “sick” or "disabled" has a particular appearance and that being " Able Bodied" or "healthy" is 'normal" and the "default setting" for people. This is Ableism.

Ableism is Prejudice or discrimination against people who have disabilities. Whether they be developmental, emotional, or physical. The treating of disabled people as inferior to able-bodied people. Because being able-bodied is considered the default, my disability is invisible without a visual cue like my cane.

On the one hand, this shields me from intrusive questions and random advice that people with visible disabilities frequently encounter. However, it means that if I do request access to the things I require for my health, people such as the well coiffed gate agent often feel entitled to interrogate me to make sure I am not a "fraud" or "faker". Without my cane to provide me with legitimacy my request was gate kept by someone who felt entitled to question me because I didn't fit their idea of "disabled". When I flew with that visual cue, my magic cane I was freely offered help without asking.

Passing is viewed by many, particularly those who are not part of marginalised communities as a privilege and something that those who are marginalised should consider a compliment or a benefit. Often we hear things like:

“You don't look sick”.

"If you hadn't told me I wouldn't even know!"

"I would have had no idea."

"You don't even look like you are."

"I don't even think of you like you're Disabled."

Statements like "You don't even look sick" exemplify the idea that "passing" as "healthy" is a desirable circumstance for disabled people. It illustrates the concept that I should want my disability to be invisible, so I fit in with the majority. That it is beneficial to me that people don't recognise me as a "disabled person". The assumption that I aspire to pass as "Healthy" is rooted in the idea that it is fundamentally undesirable to be disabled. Which given one in five Australians have some form of disability is frankly insulting. Ultimately, passing provides little benefit, and peoples assumptions hurt me by resulting in gatekeeping and harassment.

It is not a benefit to have a significant part of yourself be imperceptible due to peoples assumptions on a daily basis. It is not a privilege to have to decide every single day whether to correct those assumptions about you and your life. Passing as "healthy" because society assumes that "Disabled" looks a certain way denies me access to things I need. It is exhausting. I am what a disabled person looks like. With or without my cane, every day. I look disabled because I am disabled. I will always look disabled. I cannot look any other way. If you don't see a disabled person, You have a false assumption of what disabled looks like.

References:

ableism. (2013). In K. Bell (Ed.), Open education sociology dictionary. Retrieved from https://sociologydictionary.org/ableism/

Butler, J. (1988). Performative acts and gender constitution: An essay in phenomenology and feminist theory. Theatre Journal, 40(4), 519-531. Collins, L Robinson, L (2018, 11) [Blog] 'Invisible' disabilities: Car park confrontation prompts call for greater recognition' Retrieved from https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-11-17/sa-womans-push-to-recognise-invisible-disabilities/10492880

Goering, S. (2015). Rethinking disability: the social model of disability and chronic disease. Current reviews in musculoskeletal medicine, 8(2), 134-138.

Ginsberg, E.K.. (1996). Passing and the Fictions of Identity. Duke University Press.

Kavanagh, A. M., Krnjacki, L., Aitken, Z., LaMontagne, A. D., Beer, A., Baker, E., & Bentley, R. (2015). Intersections between disability, type of impairment, gender and socio-economic disadvantage in a nationally representative sample of 33,101 working-aged Australians. Disability and health journal, 8(2), 191-199. https://www.hwns.com.au/about-us/about-disability/disability-statistics/